The Relentless Forward Progress Blog

Built to Last: The Lessons Fatherhood Is Trying to Teach Us

Sun, 21 Jun 2026 20:48:03 GMT

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." — Frederick Douglass

As a father of eight amazing children — including our son, Iron Will, who has Down syndrome — I've thought about that quote a lot over the years. Sometimes, the journey might feel more like an obstacle course than an easy road march with no kit. But fatherhood was never supposed to be comfortable. It was always meant to be consequential.

There's a moment early in every father's life when he realizes what his job actually is. Not the job description the culture hands you — chauffeur, coach, teller of bad jokes — but the real one. You are the wall between your family and a world that doesn't always mean them well. You are the first line. The standard setter. The one who defines, by how you live, what your children understand as acceptable and believe is possible.

That realization shouldn't feel like a burden. Because it's a calling. And like every calling worth answering, it will ask more of you than you thought you had. But if you invest the best parts of yourself — your presence, your patience, your willingness to embrace the hard parts rather than avoid them — what you get back will outlast you. It will walk around in the lives of your children long after you're gone. That's not a burden. That's a legacy.

When Iron Will was born, I thought I knew what fath erhood required of me. I already had seven children. A lifetime of experience. But I was not prepared for what this little boy was about to teach me. And the learning curve was wonderfully steep and humbling.

Will arrived as pure gift — joy and wonder wrapped in an extra chromosome and an iron will that would put the rest of us to shame. He also arrived without a manual. Yes — he's had to fight through a hole in his heart, hearing loss, reflux, and eventually infantile spasms. But through every single one of those battles, I learned something I couldn't have learned any other way: strength isn't the absence of fear. It's the decision to move forward anyway.

I learned that building a strong child isn't about removing obstacles. It's about standing next to them while they climb. It's about refusing to let the world's low expectations become your child's ceiling. It's about fighting for therapy access, for dignity, for the simple right of your son to be seen as a person and not a diagnosis.

It's about saying "you can" when the world is saying "you can't."

And to every father reading this — I know you are tired. I know you fought battles this week that nobody saw. You got up before the sun and came home after it set. You put the phone down when it mattered. You stayed steady when the house was anything but. You made the hard call no one else wanted to make. You showed up, not because it was easy, but because that's what you do. And when it was over, you held it together on the way home and then let yourself feel it in the driveway before walking back inside.

That is not weakness. That is what iron looks like.

Whether your child has a diagnosis or not, whether the road has been a gentle slope or a sheer cliff face, the call is the same. Show up. Stay. Fight. Be the wall. Choose consequence over comfort. Especially when it costs you something.

And to the fathers we've lost, the dads who are celebrated today in memory rather than in person, your legacy lives in the children you built. It lives in the way they carry themselves, the way they fight, the way they love. You did your job. It shows.

The lessons I've learned as the father of a child with Down syndrome aren't that different from the lessons I should have been learning all along, with every one of my children. I just needed Will to teach them to me. And I wish I'd learned them sooner.

Douglass was right. Building strong children is the harder and more important work. It demands everything, your time, your presence, your willingness to be shaped by the very ones you're shaping. And the return on that investment, to your children, to the world, and to the man you are becoming, is beyond anything you could measure.

Happy Father's Day, brothers. Keep building.

Andrew Daub

Father, Husband and Co-Founder, Team Iron W ill

An open letter to my son, Iron Will, on the occasion of his sixth birthday

Fri, 12 Jun 2026 20:38:57 GMT

Dear Will,

Six years ago, you came into this world and immediately, without effort, began making it better. That's just who you are.

There are people who, had they known you were coming, would have told us your life was a tragedy in the making. That an extra chromosome was a reason for grief. That the hardest road wasn't worth walking.

And they would have been wrong. Completely, embarrassingly, irreversibly wrong.

Not because your road has been easy — it hasn't always been. Not because you haven't had to work for things that come effortlessly to other kids. You have. But because the measure of a life isn't the absence of difficulty. It's the presence of love. And Will, you have never, not for one single day, been without it.

You were made in the image and likeness of God. Full stop. Not partially. Not conditionally. Not pending review. That truth was written into you before the foundation of the world, and no diagnosis, no cultural narrative, no fleeting opinion posted to the internet has the power to edit it.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” – Psalm 139:13–14

That's you, son. Knitted together. On purpose. With intention. By a God who doesn't make mistakes and doesn't deal in accidents.

What the world calls a burden, we call a blessing. What the world calls a limitation, we call a lens, because you see things the rest of us miss. You love without suspicion. You forgive without keeping score. You show up with your whole heart, every single time, and somehow you make the people around you want to do the same. I've watched grown men — veterans, warriors — go soft at the edges because of you. That's not weakness. That's the strength of presence.

Your mother and I didn't just accept you. We chose you, the way every parent chooses their child, and we would choose you a thousand times over. Your brothers and sister would too. Each of them loves you in their own way, and each of their lives is richer because you are in it. We may not have known it before you were born, but this family was waiting for you to complete it.

You are Iron Will. We gave you that nickname the day you were born, and six years later, you've more than earned it. Iron is what's in you. We've watched you do the hard work, log the therapy hours, learn the things people said you couldn't, and do it all with a grin that makes the whole room shift. That's not inspiration. That's character. Your character.

So here's what I want you to know on your sixth birthday, son: this world needs you in it. Not despite who you are — because of who you are. The world gets better, more honest, more human, more whole when people like you are present in it. Every voice that has ever suggested otherwise was simply wrong about what makes a life worth living.

I will spend whatever days God gives me making sure you know that. Making sure the world knows that. And on days when the world gets loud and confused about your worth — and some days it will — your dad will be right here. Immovable.

Happy sixth birthday, Iron Will.

I love you more than words have ever been built to convey.

- Dad

I'm Normal

Mon, 08 Jun 2026 20:51:36 GMT

That's what he said. The YouTuber who aborted his child because the baby had Down syndrome was asked if he was glad his own father didn't terminate him.

"Yeah of course I'm glad my dad didn't f***ing terminate me, I'm normal."

*Content warning*

Sit with that word for a second.

Normal.

He didn't say "healthy." He didn't say "wanted." He didn't say "loved." He said normal. And in that one word, he told you exactly how he sees the world and exactly who gets to live in it.

Here's the argument he's actually making, stripped of the "grief" and the medical "statistics" and the careful language about "difficult decisions":

Some lives are normal. Some are not. Normal lives are worth living. The others are not.

That's it. That's the mindset. That's the justification to do whatever the Hell you want to anyone you "choose." That's the whole thing.

That logic doesn't stop at birth. It never has. The same reasoning that ends a pregnancy because of a Down syndrome diagnosis is the same reasoning that has historically locked people with Down syndrome in institutions, denied them education, dismissed their humanity, terminated them in gas chambers, and treated them as burdens to be managed rather than persons to be loved.

If a child with Down syndrome is worth less in the womb — less worthy of life, less deserving of a chance — then that judgment doesn't magically reverse the moment they're born. And if we accept that a person with Down syndrome after birth deserves dignity, protection and love, then we cannot with any logical consistency deny them that same dignity before it.

You cannot wall those two things off from each other.

He just proved it with his own mouth. Again.

And when you broadcast that argument to 20 million people, you don't just make a personal statement. You give permission. Permission to bully. Permission to exclude. Permission to treat people with Down syndrome as less — because someone with a massive platform just told the world they are.

My son Iron Will has Down syndrome. By this man's definition, he is not normal. By every definition that actually matters he is fully, gloriously, irreducibly human. Made in the image and likeness of God. Not in spite of his extra chromosome. Because of his personhood. Full stop.

The word "normal" has never been more revealing. Or more dangerous.

Because once you decide who is normal enough to live, you haven't made a personal choice. You've appointed yourself the author of a story that was never yours to write.

And that's not a "difficult decision"...

That's eugenics.

A Study in Contrast

Mon, 08 Jun 2026 18:52:03 GMT

"Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13

Last week, a father publicly proclaimed that his child — diagnosed in utero with Down syndrome — was undeserving of life. In his own words: "Down Syndrome isn't a 'blessing,' it is objectively s— from a health perspective. I didn't realize just how rough it is for the child, let alone the family." He called it a difficult decision. Said he was thinking of his family. "I signed on to be a parent, come what may... but I just didn't fully understand what Down Syndrome entailed." Said, thankfully, he had a choice.

And then he and his wife aborted the baby.

In September 2008, Navy veteran, husband and father Thomas Vander Woude was working on his farm in Virginia with his youngest son Joseph — who has Down syndrome, and was 20 years old at the time — when Joseph fell through a corroded cover into a septic tank eight feet deep.

Thomas didn't deliberate. He didn't hesitate. He didn't produce a video lamenting his woes, detailing his options, and farming for clicks at the expense of personhood.

He jumped into the tank.

He JUMPED INTO the damn tank. Immediately.

For fifteen minutes, submerged in sewage, Thomas pushed his son up from below, keeping Joseph's head above the muck, while his wife and a workman pulled from above. When rescue workers arrived, they pulled them both out. Joseph lived. Thomas died where he had spent so much of his life — at his son's side.

At his funeral Mass, Bishop Loverde called his dying act "truly saintly" — the crown of a whole life of self-giving.

One man decided a life with Down syndrome wasn't worth the cost. One man decided it was worth everything.

One is the personification of self-love dressed as compassion — revealed, in the end, as cowardice and discrimination.

The other is the manifestation of unconditional love, sacrifice and courage. The definition of a father.

Remember Thomas Vander Woude. And remember Joseph — who is alive today because a father believed his child's life was worth dying for.

The Hard Road Is The Point.

Sun, 07 Jun 2026 19:16:20 GMT

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” - Romans 5:3-4

Last week a story went viral that says a difficult life isn’t worth living. I want to offer a different perspective:

The Hard Road Is The Point.

There’s a growing lie baked into modern culture that life is supposed to be smooth. Convenient. Perfect. That if things are difficult, something’s gone wrong. That suffering is a malfunction, not a feature.

So people spend their lives optimizing for comfort. Avoiding friction and inconvenience. Looking for the shortcut, the hack, the easier path.

And they miss the whole point.

The beauty of a life well-lived isn’t found despite the struggle - it’s forged inside it. Character doesn’t grow in comfort. It grows under pressure, strain, stress and adversity. Gratitude doesn’t come from ease. It comes from having walked through something hard and making it to the other side.

The ancient understanding - the one we’ve traded fo r comfort - is that suffering carries meaning. That the valley isn’t a detour. It is the journey.

Truth is, when you strip away the hard parts, you don’t get a better life. You get a shallow one.

Because the rough road isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong.

It might be the surest sign you’re doing it right.

My son Iron Will has Down syndrome. He spent his earliest months in a walker just to build the strength to stand. Every step was a fight. Every inchstone and milestone was hard won. And watching him work, really work, for things that come effortlessly to other kids didn’t break my heart. It expanded it. Because what I saw wasn’t limitation. I saw determination unencumbered by societal expectations. I saw joy that doesn’t depend on easy. I saw a little boy who gets up every single time, grins, and goes again on his own terms, at his own pace.

My brave little son didn’t teach me about suffering. He taught me what it looks like to pursue life fully - without fear, without shortcuts, and without ever being told what he can’t do.

When we decide a life will be too hard before it begins - based on the inherent limitations of our mortal understanding - we end a story before it ever has the chance to be written.

We will never tell Iron Will, or any of our children, that the hard road isn’t worth it.

Because the greatest stories ever told involve suffering that produces endurance that produces character that produces hope.

And hope changes everything.